18th February 2022
Well, my computer decided to not turn on today for some reason, so instead, I’m going old school by using good old pen and paper, and I’m beginning to realise that maybe I rely on technology a bit too much. I think everyone does, not to mention that there’s a storm today which is so strong that there will potentially be power cuts, so I have no choice but to go old school.
Also, this week involved Valentine’s Day, and let’s just say that being single on that particular day isn’t easy at all, or so the social media platforms will tell you, just to magnify the fact that you’re single, not to mention that literally everyone points it out to the point where you can’t avoid it. To be honest, most of the mainstream social media platforms have just become echo chambers to the point where it’s become extremely boring to look at, and where I’m just seeing things which I’ve already seen before, just now peppered with more ads than you can imagine.
No one dares to venture outside the box anymore since they’re all boxed in by algorithms which they cannot escape if they want to well and truly succeed. Whether it’s deja vu or pure repetition, I’m not entirely sure anymore, since those platforms have become soul sucking places (stadiums, if you will) where you have to shout and post a lot in order to be heard, which is something that I don’t want to do, and is something which leads me to my next point: content creation.
Just because I’m an artist in the 21st century, with the lowest barrier to entry to the art markets (compared to previous generations), does not mean that I want to be a content creator. All I want to do is post my work and be done with it, as well as having a bit of a community to go with it. I do NOT want to become a performer of any sort where I have to post every aspect of my life online for everyone to see. As a person, I’m naturally more introverted, so I already don’t like being in the limelight as it already is. Sure, I’d like to be known for my work, but I don’t want to become an influencer because that is not what I want, not to mention that it’s so out of character that it’s essentially the opposite of my personality.
Additionally, content creators also have to box themselves in, so that they have to perform as expected so that they can conform to their personal brand, again, something which I don’t want since it’s too stifling. What if you outgrow your personal brand? Then what? Do you just have to carry on doing it anyway just to appease to the audience? I don’t think so, plus I get burnt out by looking at social media, never mind becoming a content creator, and having to use it ALL the time since it’s now your livelihood. I want out, and I don’t feel comfortable capitalising on myself since it feels too egotistical, not to mention that I am not that type of person at all.
So, that was my first (physical) reflection, and now my hands hurt a bit since I’m not used to writing this much by hand anymore. This felt like the fastest reflection ever, mainly due to the fact that there are no distractions when it comes to writing with pen and paper (apart from changing pens, but that’s about it), so maybe I need to do it more often.
Just a quick update: My computer finally decided to work, so I quickly decided to actually use it. I typed the whole reflection out, and holy hell, it’s so much easier just typing it out because I can type things really fast, which is something that I can’t do when I’m writing by hand. To me, it’s a blessing to be able to type fast because my mind goes really fast, sometimes, too fast for my hands to keep up, which is why this reflection seems a lot shorter than the other ones, because there were so many things that I wanted to say, but couldn’t due to the constraints, and due to the fact that my hands were hurting.
It’s funny how five pages of a hand written reflection equate to just over a page of the same words typed up, but in my defence, I was using a fairly small/average sized notebook to pen my thoughts in (the book was too small to be an A4 one, but too big to be an A5 one, so it was somewhere in between), and honestly, it feels like keeping a diary all over again, which is something that I don’t want to do, so typing it is, provided that the technology works in order for you to actually do it, and I just hope that next week, I can write my reflections normally, in a Google Doc, like a normal person in the 21st century, instead of having to painstakingly hand write things in a book, although it’s good to spend time away from the screen, and in the real world for a while.